Overheard...

I honestly thought you couldn’t beat travelling by public transport for the best overheard comments – however I have discovered a much richer source – waiting rooms – if only for the sheer volume of overheardness, and the fact that people have, apparently, no qualms about talking quite loudly about medical matters, and most other aspects of their lives.

Two hours in a hospital waiting room – and there was a rich harvest to be gathered! A puzzle book and pen in hand provided somewhere to record the gems. So much better than trying to remember them. I can’t tell you how annoying it is to know that I have heard an absolute classic – but sadly the details have completely escaped me by the time I’ve got the opportunity to write it down. Also, as it was a puzzle book, rather than a note book, I looked like someone doing puzzles to kill time, rather than a psycho nosey so-and-so that occasionally smirks and writes in a notebook!

To be honest though, it was a while before there were any overheard comments worth writing down. This was mainly because it was quiet when we arrived – and empty enough for us to get a table at which to sit. And our first amusement was not overheard comments at all – it was mishearing of people’s names. I’ve been fascinated by names ever since I was standing in a hospital queue, many years ago, when a receptionist suddenly bellowed across to her colleagues “Has anyone seen the notes for Mavis Davies?” – so I do tend to listen out for a good name!

The problem was, I think, when someone calls a patient, you are inevitably listening out for your own name, so you don’t necessarily catch what’s said when it isn’t your name. But from the first name that was called “Don Simmonds” we were hooked. You are probably thinking Don Simmonds isn’t particularly remarkable or funny – but this was an ante-natal clinic. “Don??” We said, at the same time, and looked at each other, confused!

Then suddenly a voice called “Lucifer Igglepit” and we were hooked. We wrote it down. The names came thick and fast then… Manilla Foundry; Tracy Prompt; Sophie He; Rebecca Kibble; Lady Diana…

Then a woman popped her head out of a door, and called, “Mandy the Whore” – well that’s definitely what it sounded like to us.

Then.. Sinita Go Home; Chris and Debbie; Bareen Kareen; Mandy Corr; Barbara Jewman (or Dulan); Miska Bevin; Jeanette Leo; Krishna Devi; Shilaka B.B.

Then, possibly my favourite… Natalie Cock-a-Towbar!

Louise Carb; Emily Goose (or Beverley Gooch); Dorothy Heathplease; and finally... Giraffetty!

Then a loud family arrived and sat within overhearing distance of our table. To be fair they were so loud we would have been within overhearing distance had our table been right over the other side of the room, or indeed, in the carpark. There were several generations of women sitting together discussing names of the forthcoming “babby”. They couldn’t decide on calling him "Demari Sean Patrick Kian" or "Demari Sean Kian Patrick" – but then “I might call him Terry… after our Terry.”

Here’s just a few overheard comments from their extremely varied and rambling conversation:

“It’s white chocolate AND brown chocolate – I’ll eat it!”

“There’s also these see through ones with the liquid inside, but them’s 35 quid!”

“We call her Sumo, with her rolls of fat.”

(wistfully) “Her hair’s all driplets.”

“…coughing and spluttering, and weeing herself…”

“It hurt’s that does – I had to do it four times a day – it friggin’ hurts.”

I’m so looking forward to the next visit. Must remember my puzzle book and pen!

School pets...

I’ve never had the honour of bringing home a school pet for the holidays, until last week, when a pot of 5 caterpillars was handed over, along with a butterfly tent and a set of instructions. So far there has been one casualty. I’m not sure which one – I did name them, but they do look identical. Anyway, hopefully it’s not Eddie whose life has come to a premature end. Yesterday they started the 'changing' process and this involves attaching themselves to the ‘roof’ of the pot and then hanging there, squirming. One has successfully changed into a chrysalis. One is partially changed, the other 2 are still squirming about – and it is this stage that I find absolutely revolting. I don’t mind the ones that are now still, it’s the movement that I don’t like. Yesterday, when I came back from a trip to a cold and blustery Ironbridge, I discovered there were only 4 ‘hangers’ and one small (possible) corpse at the bottom of the pot. Clearly he/she wasn’t able to secure himself correctly and was presumably no longer able to crawl back up for another go. It’s not moving, so I assume dead. Although when I transfer the chrysalises to the butterfly tent, I will inspect it a bit more closely.

 

I am hoping that they don’t change into butterflies before Tuesday, because the feeding sounds a bit complicated – and I haven’t worked out how you feed them without them escaping. Another thing that is worrying me is getting the ‘tent’ back to school on Tuesday morning. Hopefully it won’t be windy. And hopefully I won’t cock it up by dropping it. Whatever, I am going to look a bit of a twat, and rather wish they had been entrusted to someone else’s care, someone with a car, perhaps, who doesn’t get crossed over by the lollipop lady!

   

I still have two ‘squirmers’ and I wonder if they are writhing about because the process is painful. I hope not. I hope there are no more casualties, because if I lose any more I might have to go to the butterfly farm in Stratford and find some caterpillar replacements – although it would be fun to have some of those big blue buggers emerge!

 

Shopping...

 

…and manners good and bad.

Yesterday, I witnessed a rare thing, a child who said “Excuse me,” before she spoke to the adult who she was with. Amazing! And so sad that it’s amazing because it is rare. On the bus today a child was told to “lower her voice” which was actually said louder than whatever the child had said which wasn’t loud enough for me to hear. Later, when buying a sandwich, I overheard one of the shop assistants complaining that she was tired and wished she wasn’t there. Well piss off then love, there’s lots of people who would be grateful for your job!

Still on the subject of manners, can I add that I don’t think that it is acceptable to spit in the street. It is disgusting!! The only time it would be acceptable would be when someone accidentally gets a wasp, a bee, or poison in their mouth – and even then it should be done discretely, and not with a flourish.

I’ve witnessed some appalling manners in the last couple of days. There was a particularly ignorant old bat at the Shropshire County Agricultural Show, but if the hat she was wearing was an indication of her character, then clearly she was as mad as a bucket of salty slugs, so perhaps she doesn’t count. Then there was the woman today who dropped all her credit cards and demanded “Pick those up!” to her long suffering partner. No 'please', no 'thank you'. No manners.

But, all in all, it was a successful shopping trip today. New purse purchased. Some wonderful buttons for my latest crochet project and some interesting green wools for my on-going cacti project. Also, at long last, they have the nice wool back in Poundland (3 for 2).

And an unexpected bonus, I received some valuable fashion info while I was walking down to the bus station. I had no idea that the purple velour tracksuit was back in. I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Over the rainbow...

I've been wondering what to do with all the "free" wool I've accumulated since taking up knitting again, and learning to crochet. The free wool is usually attached to knitting magazines, is usually in odd colours, and not particularly brilliant quality. I've been keeping them all together in a bag, hoping that one day I would find a use for them - but not really expecting to. I say "free" wool - it's not really free as the magazines cost a fortune, and it's not "wool" as such, it's acrylic.

The other thing I wanted to do was to make a Spring wreath. I saw some polystyrene rings at the Hobbycraft show last weekend - and I bought 2. Why I only bought 2 I will never know, because really I needed 4. I thought I'd do each season. i suppose I was being cautious in case I couldn't do it.

I have been inspired by Attic24 Blog - in fact much of my crocheting inspiration comes from here - the tutorials are very easy to follow with loads of pics. It has helped me enormously. Up until yesterday morning all I had was 2 crocheted daffodils (instruction from same blog).

Yesterday I decided it would be a brilliant idea to make the covering bit of the ring out of all the free wool, in a sort of rainbow effect. I absolutely loved making it and could barely bring myself to put it down to go to work. I couldn't wait to get home to carry on with it - I don't know what it was that made it so pleasing to create.

The plan was to have random thicknesses of bands of colour, but to continue the rainbow pattern, however this bit didn't quite go to plan because it grew quicker than expected and in no time at all it was big enough, so I had to miss out a few colours - but I didn't think it would matter as I intended to put flowers on that bit which would cover it up.

The reason this happened was because it didn't need to be as long as I initially thought, as it needed to be stretched round the ring. Now the sensible thing to have done would have been to measure it at this point for future reference so that I can plan better next time. Sadly though, I didn't think of that until it was too late.

I started sewing it in place very late last night.

Anyone who knows me well, will know that the one thing I despise more than anything is sewing in ends! There were at least a million of them! For some reason, it didn't really bother me last night. Maybe I was too tired to think too much about it, and I couldn't wait to see how it looked.

It certainly looked a lot neater than I was expecting! I'm not that neat when it comes to sewing up, especially at 3 am.

I think this is my favourite thing I've crocheted so far. If I hadn't been almost asleep I would have started making flowers then! As it was I sorted out the wool I intended to use for flowers etc. I wanted to add some pom-poms but have to admit to being a scruffy pom-pom maker, they usually end up looking like a child has made them - however, in Hobbycraft yesterday looking for Easter related things for my Easter branch, I chanced upon some ready made pom-poms in the kids section - and the colours were similar to the ones I'd used for the ring.

I couldn't wait to "dress" the ring - if only so that it stopped looking like something to relieve the pain of piles.

The  original intention was to completely cover it in flowers and leaves etc. but I loved the rainbow effect so much I decided it would be a shame to cover it up entirely, so I left the top bit empty.

Here it is hanging on the wall...

So far nothing is permanently attached, everything is pinned, so if i decide I don't like the position of something I can move it about. Presumably at some point I will have to sew it all in place - I'm sure that's going to be an annoying, fiddly job - so it will probably stay like this till I need the pins, which will probably be when I start to make the Summer wreath.

I am really excited about making the rest of the seasons. I am particularly looking forward to Autumn, and will be scouring the Internet for acorn patterns! Maybe red spotty toadstools, and some tiny pumpkins!

A pug in a reflective mood!

I've done quite a bit of Pug-sitting in the past couple of weeks, so I feel I am qualified to say that they are fairly easy to look after. They are a faithful, devoted and loving breed, although at times can be a tad over affectionate! They require very little (if any) exercise, and are easily amused by mindless quiz shows.

They can entertain themselves for hours barking at anything they feel doesn't have the right to walk, or drive, past the house. They will alert you to any "strangers" in hi-vis jackets, especially if they are carrying a large red post bag. They will let you know immediately if a cat walks past the window, or if someone rides past on a bike or scooter. They are particularly keen to share info on any suspicious looking vans, especially those selling ice-cream - just in case you didn't hear the tune yourself.

As guard dogs go, they are good at the 'alerting' side of the job. Not sure how they would deal with an actual intruder. I'm guessing they merely wag their tails and roll over for a tummy tickle. They are easily bribed with food, and they make excellent 'hot water bottles'. But there are, however, drawbacks.

It's not the actual pug itself that is the problem. No! It's the small, but ever increasing, army of puglets that lurk about in all sorts of places around the house. These must be barked and growled at. Incessantly. Some must be punched. Ned's arch-nemesis is the one that lives in the oven. He only really appears when the oven is on. He must be stared at, and snorted at, for as long as the oven is on. He is the one most likely to be punched by a puggy paw. The pug in the oven does go away, but always comes back again, and cannot be ignored.

Then there is the one that lives in the mirror in my bedroom. He is so offensive he must be covered up. This is the one that growls and barks back! There is the new, circular x2 pug which made an appearance a couple of weeks ago. My fault - it was silly of me to buy a small magnifying pug and keep it at Ned height.

Every black car passed on a walk contains a small, and usually surprised, pug in it's side. They must be approached with caution!

Computer monitors, ipads, laptops, phones, in fact any black and shiny object - they all contain a pug!

So after a weekend of pug-proofing, hiding and covering up the pug-army, a new one appeared in a most unexpected place. On a shelf near the bottom of my bed lies my stash of wool, in a large zippy-up bag that is plastic and see through. I just happened to turn it round to reveal a black ball of wool - and there he was - a small, but perfectly formed Ned replica!

You would think he would be glad of the company, wouldn't you? But NO!! They must all go!! Because if there is another pug in the room he just can't concentrate on growling at his own shadow!

New beginnings...

It's taken a while to come up with a suitable name for this new blog. I really wanted something that reflected the things I do to keep me from going insane. As I am learning to crochet, I thought the work 'hook' somewhere in my title would be good, but needed 2 rhyming words to go with this. I like reading, am even in a reading group, and I thought I would be bound to mention reading somewhere in this new blog, and hey... book rhymes with hook. So far so good. The third rhyming word was more of a problem. Cook perhaps, but I don't do nearly enough of it to count it as a hobby. Shame really - Hooks, books and cooks would have been a great title. I don't know enough criminals to include the word crooks, and the only other word I could come up with, rooks, would involve me taking up either chess or bird spotting. Extremely unlikely - but worth remembering on the off chance I take up any of these in the future.

Then I tried to think of something connected with the words knit, wool, yarn or loops. But I couldn't find anything original. "Oddsocks" came to me when I was out walking this morning, the irony being today I actually have a matching pair on. Very unusual for me. I have a constant battle with socks and the washing machine, which I am convinced eats most of my socks. My other thought on sock disappearance is the possibility that sock manufacturers make one sock in each pair out of dissolving material, which I am sure exists. I remember seeing some dissolving material years ago at the lace factory where my granddad worked. That would make sense, because if you never lost any socks, you would never need to buy that many - I can't remember the last pair I threw out because they were worn out. You see the old days of darning was pre the invention of dissolving sock material. It all makes perfect sense to me.

So anyway - Oddsocks it is. This gives me an excellent excuse for wearing odd socks most days, I can pretend it's an advertising campaign to promote this new blog.